The beginning of the story i can't tell.

Last week I was searching to hookup with someone. I've downloaded apps before to see what they're about and see if anything, anyone really, interested me.  I typically would download the app search it a bit and then uninstall cause "what was the point."

I havent been in a romantic relationship for over 10 years, which means I hadnt had sex for over 10 years. More so I haven't been intimate with someone for that long; I hadnt held anyone, touched anyone, kissed anyone, embarrassed anyone... I'm a very lonely person who longs for nothing more than to be deeply, passionately in love.

Anyway, last week I decided to try and change that.  I knew that people posted hook up requests on craigslist and I decided to actually try it out. This is a huge deal for me since I don't sleep around or even mess around at all. I'm just tired of being alone and what the hell... So I replied to one if the posts I'd seen and even got a reply back. They wanted to hook up the next day around 10-11am and I wasn't able to do that and explained when I was available.  They didn't respond after that. I kinda then started thinking maybe they were in a relationship and didn't want their "other" to find out.  So I looked for more and looked again and again. I couldn't really find what I was looking for so I decided to post myself.  After about 3 hours I was thankful but disappointed that no one responded. The more and more I thought about it I couldn't believe what I was doing and I chickened out and deleted the post. The next day I was back on looking "for prospects" and not finding any, so I made a new post and told myself I wouldn't delete this one. 

After a little bit I got a reply. We replied back and forth a little but I was using yahoo mail and it does this thing where it puts you mail in an outbox before sending it.  The first time this occurred (to sum up quick) I accidentally deleted my email. After getting a couple emails out and being completely frustrated with yahoo I decided to give them my phone number to text me.  They replied that they were driving and said they'd answer questions and here was their number to call.  So I dialed the number but couldn't hit send.  I just stared at my phone's screen with the number all ready to go, I just had to hit talk. Finally after the 10 min no activity, my phone went dark.  I sat it down and pushed it away.

"What am I doing? This isn't me??? I'm just gonna delete the post I made and forget everything...
Who am I kidding? I already made a post and deleted it, only to go back and make another one.  All I'm gonna do is delete this one and tomorrow make another. Then again, I already have a response and I know I'll just keep making posts over and over." 

So I picked my phone back up, turned the screen back on, looked at the number just waiting there, and I clicked talk.

10k hacks in a week (the plan)

with there being few clusters in dt indy i cant just go out and hack hoping for the best and walking from one cluster to the next will take up way to much time so i have to plan out my walk with as little backtracking as possible and the best possible time/hack ratio...

If i park at the area known as UP there are 10 portals there in a straight line... ill continue on to the zoo entrance area which has 18 portals... going left first i will loop around and go back down UP but not wait at the end... i then travel back down UP not hacking and repeat the loop around the zoo 2.5 times... this means i will burn out 12 of the portals and end up on the north side of the zoo and begin to hack the wapahani trail... not including portals in close proximity (no back tracking without hacking) there are 19 portals this includes the cluster of 7 at the ncaa building... so im not standing around waiting on the cluster cool down i will walk over the canal bridge and hack the 4 portals there and return to the cluster where i may have to put heat sinks... i will then continue back to the wapahani bridge and wait the 5 min at the end of it... however there are portals behind the zoo along a trail and i will go as far as i can to hack some of them (up to 2.5 minutes away) so that once i return i will continue walking down the wapahani heading back to the ncaa cluster... this will allow me to hack the wapahani bridge (11 portals) 3 times... after hacking the ncaa i will continue towards the canal bridge but only hack 3 of the 4 portals past the bridge due to one of them being out of the way in regards to heading north towards the indy museum... the indy museum is a square with 34 portals in pretty close proximity... i hope to have at least 34 common multi-hacks so that i can make 8 laps around the indy museum.... once i have made the 8 laps i will return the way i came... so i will hack the 3 portals near the canal head towards the ncaa hacking the 8 and then burn out the wapahani bridge and head south along the back side of the zoo entrance portals burning the 6 portals left... i then head down UP back to my car hacking as i go.... once i get back to my car UP will be able to be hacked a 4th time so while driving to leave the area i will burn out UP...

UP/zoo/wapahani/indy museum - 40 + 72 + 77 + 136 (272 with multi-hacks) = 325 (461)

once i am on the road i will hack random portals as im driving towards the circle...

there at 15 portals on the circle and walking around the inner part of it takes a little under 4 min... so i will throw a common heatsink on all and hopefully a rare multi-hack giving me 12 laps...

circle - 60 (180)

from there i go home to charge my phone before returning to repeat the process...

to be safe lets say i get 500 hacks per visit... which means ill have to visit 20 times within the week which is almost 3 times a day

IM PRETTY SURE THIS WONT WORK BUT IM KINDA EXCITED TO GIVE IT A TRY (even though i know this is gonna suck and prob during the first day ill end up hating myself; i dont like to burn out portals its too boring)...

moving and friends

k so ive always been afraid of being alone... its why i live where i do, its why ive made the decisions i have made (in the past)... last month i decided im gonna try and move up north... right now i dont have a job so im stuck where i am till something changes in that regards... so anyway...

im completely fine with living by myself (all alone), however there is still just a small part of me that screams on the inside that i wont be able to handle it... there are really only 4 ppl whom of which i would be willing to live with (4 non-married ppl) and one of which im not even friends with (well not really, we are friends through a friend but its complicated), but even this person doesnt want to move where i want to and i dont like him enough to compromise and move with him some where else... not to mention that even though i would be willing to move in with him i think it would end up being a huge mistake... so im down to friends...

about 2 years ago, maybe 3, i had no friends... all i did was work, sleep, church, and repeat... i was the manager at my work so the whole hanging with employees was looked down upon, plus it could or would make some employees feel weird with hanging with me so i just avoided hanging out with ppl from work all together... at church there wasnt a group that i belonged to so i ended up being in classes with ppl who were older than me, and during the services i always sat alone and thats just how it was...

then one day i decided to sit with my little sister in a back pew, it turned out that 2 other ppl ended up sitting with us during the service... the next week i went to my usual spot alone and after the service one of the 2 guys got on to me about not sitting with him again (i didnt really know him so why would i sit with him)... so anyway a short time after that a group of 4 guys: myself, the guy who yelled at me, his friend, and another guy all happened to be in a room together... nothing major happened and we didnt even talk about anything meaningful or worthwhile but all 4 left that room as really good friends... we went from acquaintances who barely knew anything about each other to friends who'd do anything for each other...

back to today and living together... 2 of them are married, so that leaves one friend... i have discussed moving up north with him but he is really hesitant about it and probably wont do it (not till something else happens that neither of us can control)...

so i said 4 ppl and listed 2...  the last 6 months have been majorly different all because of a game called ingress... my life has changed completely... i have gained 3 new friends all for different reasons:

one person i have spent so much time with trapped in cars for road trips related to the game that i feel like i have known him for a long time now... we have made a ton of memories and he is a really great guy and i always enjoy spending time with him even if we dont do anything at all...

another person i became friends with because we were actually enemies (in game) and he decided he wanted to meet me so we did and it turned out we had a lot in common in certain regards, so we began speaking to each other and randomly hanging out while playing the game (well he would be playing the game and i would just be walking with him keeping him company since we couldnt play at the same time)...

and the last friend; we became friends because he asked... we had spent time with each other in group settings but never really did anything as a duo and one day we were talking in a hangout and he said "lets be friends".... so now we are...

so the one friend ,the enemy (who actually switched sides so now he is on the same team), is married so i cant live with him... and the other 2 friends i havent even bothered discussing living together with them cause one of them lives in a nice home and i dont want to invade his house like that and the other i wouldnt feel comfortable enough to be like hey! lets live together... cause im pretty sure i would get turned down and i dont want to put that on my friend (the situation of having to turn me away kinda thing).... i mean seriously with these 2 friends weve only known each other for a very short amount of time and it would be completely weird or at least it would appear that way...

so really i have 1 person whom of which i may or may not be able to get to live with me... so yep... i just have to plunge forward on my own and pretend that living all alone wont bother me...

creation of the bat (ingress)

this is what happened last night and this morning 

ive been asking for the frogs to destroy stuff but didnt get much help... sandiego aka +Nicholas Hall (member of enlighted) said he was willing to come down to indy on saturday morning and help me with everything... i tried talking him out of it a few times cause it was a bit of a task and what not but he reassured me that he is more than willing....

i waited till late friday night past 11p or 12a and began my journey to destroy every green link that stood a chance of blocking my image... i happen to bowl on friday nights with +Nate Miller and he said he was willing to join me on this endeavor so we set off.... i did all the driving trying to find every single bothersome green link while nate did the destroying (safety first lol jk...) once all the links were destroyed we left... (this took around 2 hours)

since sandiego and i were going to get together at 7am, and since he was driving down here just to help me out, i wanted to make sure i had a plan set out with all the links identified that i needed him to destroy (since i am resistance i needed an enlightened to destroy everything)... so i wrote out a detailed plan on how i was driving which portals needed destroyed and then built back up or just destroyed, and the best way to hit portals throw links and not back track to save time (never knew when a member from either side would show up and completely mess up everything).... my keys were limited on certain portals so i couldnt make mistakes or it could cost me the whole image....

so i got a couple hours of sleep and headed out.... since i couldnt get a good number of keys i had to deal with what i had and that meant i had to fully deploy some portals before being able to get a link to them even though i would be going back to them later to then add the links i needed from that original portal.....

okay so SanDiego and i begin our adventure..... when we get to the very first portal he destroys it and i cant even get my ingress to lock onto my location.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I HAVE THE PLAN!!!! I HAVE THE KEYS!!! I HAVE THE HELP!!! .... i closed ingress a few times, completely shut it down, nothing NOTHING..... COME ON!!! so finally i turned off my gps and turned it back on..... thankfully that worked.....

destroy, build, link, destroy, build, link, destroy, build, link.........................................

k so at this point we are on foot cause some of the portals i needed couldnt be reached from car.... well i left my "plan" in the car but figured i knew it pretty well i think i need this link................WRONG!!! after we get back to the car i check the paper and back out we go.... he had to destroy the portal i just did stuff on and ruin one of the links i needed and since i had limited keys i ended up destroying one of the keys that i actually needed... but thankfully i had picked up an extra key to the main portal at the bottom of the image so i just reversed how i was linking it..... we then had to go back to the portal that i had the correct link attached to in-order to reattach it since i didnt have a key to the portal to link it right there (btw this portal was also only accessible by foot)...  by this time my car had started leaking for some reason and i wasnt sure it was going to make it at all and even stuttered with starting up which only bothered me cause i had someone else with me (your car only breaks down when your not at home and others are with you).....

so back on track (excluding the detour to link up a portal early since i lost its key like a moron)... destroy, destroy, destroy, destroy......... build link link link link link link link link link link link...........

k i think im done..... SanDiego checks map... there are holes in two spots.... WHAT!?! man..... that morning when i wrote up my attack plan i had missed connecting 2 separate parts (symmetrical lol)... well crap.... so now we rushed over to the one portal... destroyed some links just to make the image a bit prettier (nothing surrounding it) and then went to the other and linked it up........ FINISHED PRODUCT

"equilibrium" spoilers

BUY IT!

i really really liked this film... i would give it a 9/10 for action film

in the future there is a society that is free of emotion.......................

and there becomes the problem i have with this film...
(i dont really feel like explaining the movie because it is really complex but easy to follow (or infer))

in this society everyone has emotions which is really evident all together... the emotions that the "government" is scared of is happy and sad ones.... however.... the whole thing there are parts of joy shown by the very ppl who are suppose to be "without emotion"... the fact is the society isnt suppose to be able to feel and yet everyone is obsessed with how the others feel and based on their responses the questioner themselves get an emotional response of there own (but that isnt part of the movie)

humans can be said to be nothing but emotions... that is why babies are instinctually happy or sad or mad or... there are so many emotions that arent addressed in this film and yet are expressed in this film; concern, empathy, worry, doubt, intuition.... (just to clarify intuition is a response to a set of emotions and if there are no emotions there would be no intuition) if you arent paranoid you have no reason to worry if you dont worry you have no reason to doubt if you dont doubt........

this films story line and action scenes are similar to V for vendetta, matrix, ultraviolet

the movie is kinda 2 parted...
on the one had you have a person figuring out he can feel and what that all means:
the other is ppl getting shot... literally like 1000 ppl die in this film maybe more probably more lol (okay i might be exaggerating)

"God Bless America" spoilers

BUY IT!

i knew just from the trailer that i would love to see this movie... that was months before it was released in theaters... to my dismay it wasnt released in a theater close to where i live (no where in the state i live in)...

i finally watched it on Netflix.... i wasnt disappointed

the movie is a little to short for my taste... there is a lot of cursing involved in it and the young girl seems to be an extreme psychopath... that being said it makes her role extremely hysterical..

(story)

a man lives an ordinary life surrounded by what we all live with every day (ty, news, radio...)
he gets sick and tired of the role america has taken on as a nation (society of today)
he finds out he has cancer and thinks about killing himself only to decide to kill a young spoiled girl
he then reconsiders killing himself only to have the supporting actress intervene unexpectedly

the two characters begin killing individuals who "deserve to die"
as a plot twist it turned out the doctor had made a mistake and the lead character didnt have cancer at all...

this is actually kinda pointless except to show you the main characters humanity in the respect that for a second its almost like "what have i done"

the problems i have with this movie are...
it kinda jumps around a bit... the two characters seem to know how to find each other (or at least the girl knows how to find the man) with no real reason... for instance the guy goes to a hotel to kill himself and the girl somehow knows exactly where to find him (no explanation)

then after the two characters separate the girl knows exactly where the man will be again... (now this time i kinda get how she knows... he goes to kill the ppl of a reality show (knock-off of america idol) and when the characters were together they did see the advertising of the finale... so that i guess is how she knew however.... with the fall out they had... how was it to be expected that he would indeed continue killing in the first place.....

the mans first kill was without the supporting character however his role or mission was completed... he then was going to kill himself .... only after the introduction of the supporting character did the murders evolve to a killing spree... (with serial killing duos one is the aggressive while the other is the passive... in this movie the aggressive is the female and the male is the passive even though the first kill and more experienced gun-man was the male) as such... once the girl left the mans side he no longer would have had the will to take on such a huge undertaking of killing everyone from the reality show...

also and this is just a side thought i had while watching the end which by the way is ANTI-CLIMATIC.... some of the first parts in the film are done as a dream sequence... and the final scene in which both characters die seems out of touch with reality.... meaning there is a good chance that the last scene was a dream and in fact could be twisted into making a sequel.... however that is very unlikely

altogether i would give this 8/10 for a comedy

i personally like how twisted this movie is.... and how much irony it entails... the only reasons i dont give it a 10 is due to the HUGE amounts of cursing and as mentioned above the lack of understanding of how the girl knows exactly how to find the man...(but seeing as how the only question i have for this movie is how did she find him that isnt nothing at all... but still as a "comedy" you have to have a twisted mind in-order to consider it hysterical)

softball the good the bad and the ugly

how did this season go...... will i join again next year.... what do i think about the team..........................

lets start from the beginning....
at my church they have a "slow-pitch softball league" (or participate in one)...... i watched the majority of their games last year and decided i would give it a shot and join this year.... (youre caught up)

this season the team did pretty well im not sure our exact record but i think we won more than lost (but not by much) we made it into the quarter-finals for the end of season tournament (from there were knocked out)

i really dont know right now if i will join again next year... i had fun .... right? .... i mean was it worth joining..... idk..... if i am still attending the same church next year i will prob join again just because "why not"...

now the team....

trey- trey played outfield and was pretty good when it came to balls that were hit in the air towards him.... the prob i had with trey is he would get upset about a call the ump would make and let it affect how he played for the rest of the game... no longer caring whatsoever and sucking as miserably as he possibly could.... he also thinks he is a little better then he really is.... as in he can get the ball the distance it needs to go but not really the accuracy it needs to have.... he takes risky throws instead of doing what he probably should have...

steve- catcher... (i dont like steve he annoys me) he did pretty well as catcher.... he played around 5 games i think... and normally we would sub-out switching him with myself or another ("fair" player rotation play)... my prob with him and softball is he talks to everyone and he is a loud person (his voice alone scratches at my nerves... i dont hate the man but i would rather just not be around him at all...) but.... i was reminded this is a church league and ppl are "friendly"

doug- catcher or outfield (i think he played 2nd once).... doug is pretty good.... he can hit the ball well... he was "spoken" to a lot by the other players.... telling him he needs to do this that or the other... there were times he would do little things and the team would try to "help" him by "explaining" what should of been done... doug would also talk a bigger game then he performed... but dont get me wrong he had it in him from time to time but just didnt seem to want to step up and perform

donnie- pitcher..... not much to say.... he is the best pitcher we have and for the most part he is really good at getting the job done... he is also good at not giving up on the play and running around to help ppl in case they miss a catch aka good pitcher..... (he is my bro-in-law so i might be biased but i already told you about his wife bothering me lol)

brian - 3rd base, outfield... not much to say about him... he did well this season and didnt seem to let little mistakes really bother him or impact his performance....

brandon - outfield... if the ump made a call he didnt agree with (call strikes that he thinks should of been balls) he would speak very loudly about what a joke the ump was and how he was crap.... he played well...

brad - shortstop... he does pretty well.... as long as he isnt having a bad day not to many grounders go by him and he can catch the ball if hit in air... he plays in other leagues as well he played some in high school i think.... i know he didnt in college..... i would say all-together he was the most "well rounded" player.. hit, run, catch..... but.... he is highly competitive and talks crap about the other players but not loudly enough for anyone to really hear him (but with enough force to be heard if ppl around him were actually paying attention... it can bring morale down quick and destroy the team if the wrong person hears or gets told something)

vince- 3rd base.... i always describe him as...... in sports he doesnt look pretty at all but he has some skill.... he is a good 3rd baseman... he struggles in batting (by his own accord... but he did pretty well this season i thought)

jordan- 2nd base, pitcher 2 games (i think).... i dont know jordan well enough to say much about her (not that i know some of these others that well but whatever)... jordan plays softball with females and in that league she is apparently really good (according to what ive heard).... with the soft pitch rules she doesnt do as well... jordan was home-schooled and its clear with how she deals with the rest of the team.... the worst part about jordan.... HER PARENTS.... not so much her mom but her dad definitely.... HE IS A MAJOR HECKLER AND I CAN NOT STAND HIM.... i dont give a crap about how you think i or anyone else should be playing this game... SHUT UP..... he was one of those ppl that would try to "help" but speak to you in such a condescending manner that you just wanted to punch him in the face...

dave- 1st base.... okay dave..... dave was our coach.... he is highly competitive and doesnt always keep his cool... some times he would speak to ppl encouragingly and other it would be more like he is the boss (not the coach but the boss yelling at his employees for how badly they suck...) i really dont like dave as a coach... and it is def one of the reasons im not sure i will join again next year (being honest)... he is one of my dearest friends (one of the reasons i joined softball) and the feelings i have towards him for softball contradict how i feel about him outside of softball.........( i love this man and i cant stand the way softball makes me feel towards him... like "if we werent friends i would never speak to you...")

richie- outfield.... richie is the risk taker when it comes to running.... he is good in the outfield he is really quick and knows how to catch even if he has to dive to get it done..... he is a pretty good hitter but swings at almost everything (though he did cut back on that.... to many ppl yelling at him for swinging at bad pitches)... but once the ball hits the bat.... his speed can get the best of him cause he thinks he can make it to the next base and he goes for it (when he gets it everyone loves him when he doesnt.......) he is one of the players that  ppl would tell him what to do over and over and he really didnt care and yet they still told him over and over lol..... he also can lose his temper but keeps it in check after a burst...

and finally me- catcher, 2nd base.... straight up i suck... i dont hit very well (though i got on base most of the time... it normally meant someone else was out because of it... though at the end of the season aka the last 2 games i realized if i used a different bat i did a lot better... soooo if i would of discovered this sooner who knows lol).... i think i did okay.....

i had a lot of fun being catcher... but i hate being catcher... it scares me... i dont like ppl constantly talking to me and "being friendly" with the other team and ump (i dont like ppl lol and i dont like talking to strangers)... on second base i think i play better but it makes me more nervous.... like im going to mess up and then get yelled at for messing up... for the most part i did okay though (i think) i caught the balls that were hit to me and not over my head (except one... i cant handle the high arc fly balls that may or may not go over my head but are mine to catch..... (which i knew going in to this season that i struggled with them)) i dropped a few of the balls thrown to me but sometimes they werent good throws and not really my fault but there were others were i blatantly dropped them even though it was an easy catch... i also had it happen were i needed to tag a person and the ball popped out of glove (i need to work on the double handed grab and tag)....


what i hated the most:
first i really dont like hecklers... they just bother me.... hecklers include "cheer-leaders" lol and just so you are on the same page my sister is a big heckler lol..... but other than the cheering-hecklers there are the tell you what to do hecklers... these ppl arent playing the game but watching and yet are trying to tell you how to play the game... you should of hit the ball this way..... you should of thrown to second.... PLAYS ON FIRST.... TOUCH ANY BASE..... throw the ball to "whomever".... ----------- like seriously WHY DONT YOU PLAY AND SHOW US HOW IT IS DONE OR SHUT UP!!!

that being said.... the team is also really big on telling each other what to do.... they call out where the play is.... if you need to step on a base to get someone out (force out) or if you have to tag them in-order to get the out.... "the ball came to you last time so be ready" (as if you forgot yourself).... step back... step forward.... move to the side... the other side....
------------------- they do this trying to be helpful which i understand... the funny part is all the players are telling each other what to do and none of them really listen (life)... it def gets annoying after the 2-3rd time... especially when they tell you what you need to do after every batter.... and it tends to be different ppl.... k so first pitch.... kenny just step on the base.... sec pitch (someone else) kenny make sure to keep your eye on the ball..... 3rd pitch play forward more.... *someone else* play back more...
----------------one of the things that confused the outfielders was they would tell them to play forward and then tell them to back up.... but you see they wouldnt talk to them and say....... at the top of the line up play back and once "this person" steps up to bat make sure to come forward and then when the first batter is back up to bat step back again..... instead they just yell at each other the whole time... (whatever)

i also didnt like the competitiveness of it all.... i realize this is a "male" league and guys are crazy about their sports and winning.... but seriously... to many ppl would yell at the ump or start throwing things around for different reasons... its a game ppl...... I HAD THE MOST FUN IN GAMES WE LOST THEN IN ONES WE WON..... i think cause i find drama funny....