softball

... where to begin...

i guess i should explain that i dont like groups of ppl... however, im trying to "be a better person" and as such "broaden my horizons" (whatever)

k so last year i was unemployed for a bit and had lots of free time so i starting going to the softball games that my church was competing in.... so this year i decided lets through worry in the wind and just join up....

the first game was 2 weeks ago... the first part of it i stayed on the side-lines (which i didnt mind at the time)....
then when i actually got to play "the coach" (quotes cause he is my friend and will read this probably lol)... "the coach" put me in as catcher (the one position i did not want to play at all... which i told him...)... im not keen with the idea of bats being swung in close proximity to my head (maybe its just me idk)... so anyway i did that and actually had a good time with it... i didnt do much especially since we play slow pitch softball and the catcher doesnt really need to catch the ball cause you cant steal bases or anything... so yeah i had a good time...
until... after the game i had to go to work... it just so happened that someone came in shopping and we talked a bit... they mentioned something that upset them... i was fine with what went down (at the game)... but... i over analyze conversations and things... as such i began thinking of what they said and the implications of other events and blah blah blah... lets just say by the end of the night i lost all the happiness associated with the game play lol...

so this week aka yesterday we were suppose to play again... we were going to meet up an hour ahead of time in-order to practice and blah blah blah.... turns out the other team didnt show (well other than 2 of them) so they forfeited and "the coach" decided to turn it into practice time... yeah... practice sucks when you dont really care for the game to begin with but at least actually playing it is a lot more fun than pretending to play it... so we practiced for about an hour or hour and a half (post game time... so really we practiced for 2-2.5 hours).... its not like i had anything better to do but still i was really disappointed we didnt actually get to play and i was annoyed that we than began to "practice" (whatever)

so by the end of that... i definitively dont like the whole softball thing... ill still give it time cause well i dont give up on things that may or may not turn into a good time... plus we paid money to play and it wasnt "worth the money" so far anyway lol.... i really dont like playing though... ppl get to into it... its just a game lets have fun... but whatever winning of course it more fun than losing although 2 weeks ago i was really happy (post-game) and we got our butts kicked lol.... good times...

so now... why do i even care to play this stupid game which doesnt even interest me at all... nothing better to do??? perhaps, although i could sleep lol... spending time with the guys??? i dont like groups especially ones that consist of all males... trying to fit in with more ppl of the church??? half the time i contemplate running away from the group of friends i have now...

life is way easier when you dont have friends... but its also a whole lot lonelier (scared to be alone)