Monday, February 2, 2015

The beginning of the story i can't tell.

Last week I was searching to hookup with someone. I've downloaded apps before to see what they're about and see if anything, anyone really, interested me.  I typically would download the app search it a bit and then uninstall cause "what was the point."

I havent been in a romantic relationship for over 10 years, which means I hadnt had sex for over 10 years. More so I haven't been intimate with someone for that long; I hadnt held anyone, touched anyone, kissed anyone, embarrassed anyone... I'm a very lonely person who longs for nothing more than to be deeply, passionately in love.

Anyway, last week I decided to try and change that.  I knew that people posted hook up requests on craigslist and I decided to actually try it out. This is a huge deal for me since I don't sleep around or even mess around at all. I'm just tired of being alone and what the hell... So I replied to one if the posts I'd seen and even got a reply back. They wanted to hook up the next day around 10-11am and I wasn't able to do that and explained when I was available.  They didn't respond after that. I kinda then started thinking maybe they were in a relationship and didn't want their "other" to find out.  So I looked for more and looked again and again. I couldn't really find what I was looking for so I decided to post myself.  After about 3 hours I was thankful but disappointed that no one responded. The more and more I thought about it I couldn't believe what I was doing and I chickened out and deleted the post. The next day I was back on looking "for prospects" and not finding any, so I made a new post and told myself I wouldn't delete this one. 

After a little bit I got a reply. We replied back and forth a little but I was using yahoo mail and it does this thing where it puts you mail in an outbox before sending it.  The first time this occurred (to sum up quick) I accidentally deleted my email. After getting a couple emails out and being completely frustrated with yahoo I decided to give them my phone number to text me.  They replied that they were driving and said they'd answer questions and here was their number to call.  So I dialed the number but couldn't hit send.  I just stared at my phone's screen with the number all ready to go, I just had to hit talk. Finally after the 10 min no activity, my phone went dark.  I sat it down and pushed it away.

"What am I doing? This isn't me??? I'm just gonna delete the post I made and forget everything...
Who am I kidding? I already made a post and deleted it, only to go back and make another one.  All I'm gonna do is delete this one and tomorrow make another. Then again, I already have a response and I know I'll just keep making posts over and over." 

So I picked my phone back up, turned the screen back on, looked at the number just waiting there, and I clicked talk.